i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
