We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
