Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Randomize
