i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
