He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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