i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
