i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
