I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
