mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
how drunk are you?
Several
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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