Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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