we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
