My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
