I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
