Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
