i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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