i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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