Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
