There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
