you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
