My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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