Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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