No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
