Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
