turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Randomize
