I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
