I puked a lego.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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