god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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