I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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