I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
