Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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