I must be too annoying 4 u.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I need to sanitize my soul.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Randomize
