Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
