Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
