Tell her she can't have a vagina
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
