It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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