Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
