saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
