worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
