If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
