so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
