I just pynch a tree in the face
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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