I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
youre lurking in front of me
Betty ford says i'm here all night
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
