College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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