shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
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