Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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