i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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