Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
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