fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
