yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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