she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
