Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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